Let me start with a thank you. Thank you for your messages, comments, and kind words. I can feel them lifting my spirit ever so gently, and hopefully David and the the boys are feeling it too.
I’ve read that these things get easier and I’ve also read the opposite. Generally I’m an optimist so I’m going to hope for the first one. But what does “it gets easier” even mean? That I won’t miss her laugh? That I won’t miss her affectionate push on my shoulder when she thinks I’m being an immature clown? Does it mean I will forget her smile or her voice? As much as I want to be positive even the “getting easier” part sounds insanely hard and just terribly unfair. I don’t want to stop thinking about her. I don’t want to stop hearing her voice. I don’t want this world without Denise in it.
As I come to terms with…whatever coming to terms means.. I’m asking myself (begging myself) to remember the little things. There are big things that I’ll never forget, but I worry I’ll forget inside jokes and car rides. We did so much of our talking in cars. Driving to and from Michigan, or to McDonald’s, or to go pick up her one true puppy love, Franklin, from Wisconsin. I want to remember she gave me my first real raise in her car. I want to remember how many times she complimented the lady at the window of the drive thru. These are the little things I’m worried will slip through the cracks of this awful mess in the end.
So today I ask you to think of the little things just like the big moments. Don’t underestimate your first handshake with someone that could be your best friend someday. Hold onto the small jokes that hardly make sense at the time, let alone now. And while trying to keep all these tiny memory bubbles in your brain, share them with those you love or those you just met. Denise built so much of her life, companies, and story on relationships. The human connection was at the core of everything she touched. Don’t be afraid to share yourself, your heart, and your stories with others. It’s scary but…it’s human. And being human is all we’ve got.
I’m trying to keep up with the writing. Cross your fingers that “I’ve got this.”